Ok, so things are coming into focus.

There was something I read about in the Rick Jarrow book that I actually posted about earlier. I really related to it. Its on page 8, top of the page.

He writes:"Without a basic personal integrity and heartfelt energy associated with our work, nothing we produce or own will ever be enough, and we will continue to appease our deeper longings with one partial preoccupation after another."

I have done this in the past, in my heart I have known since I was 19 that I would never truly be happy unless I embraced my talents, yet I kept letting myself get distracted by things that weren't important because I wasn't brave enough to fully invest myself and work as hard as I knew I could. I can think or 4 things that distracted me: boys, alcohol/"partying hard", hobbies (more specifically my brief stint in a band) and the rat race (working at an unrewarding 9-5 for the great benefits and meager but steady paycheck.)

I have spent the past hour reading other students blogs and re-reading my thesis ideas. We only have 7 weeks left and there isn't time for dilly-dallying. I think my other ideas for thesis topics were good, but I am having a hard time coming up with concrete things I can do with them. I think they are a little broad and they are making my mind detour into Tangent Land.

So I propose a new thesis: I am finally coming to a place in my life where these things that are unimportant are losing their hold over me, where I am able to eliminate the noise and focus on what is important. I have no hard feelings against these demons that stunted my progress for years, because without them I never would be where I am today. I am going to take these things that have held me back and turn them into things that will drive me forward. How, you ask? I will become a better designer, and hopefully they will be kickass pieces that will make people want to hire me.

I am picking 3 of the 4 and devoting 2 commercial projects to each of these things.
• Alcohol addiction
• Preoccupation with boys
• the band

I know what forms I want in my portfolio:
• Bookcover series
• Logo/Branding
• Packaging
• Apparel design
• CD box set
• I am not 100% sure yet, but I think the last would be a stationary set. A board game could be fun too though . . .

I haven't exactly assigned what goes with what just yet, but I have a couple ideas:

• Since you can't design a book cover series without reading the books you are designing for, I had to pick books that I had read. I happen to be a big Augusten Burroughs fan. The first book I read was Dry, an autobiographical account of his harrowing addiction to alcohol. I would create a series using 2 of his other books, Magical Thinking and Running with Scissors (because those are the 3 I have read.) He has 2 more, Sellevision which is fiction, and Possible Side Effects which I am going to read this weekend. This would take care of 1 of the alcohol pieces.

• Then I was thinking of doing some design for men's t-shirts or hats, because I am kinda liking the stuff I am seeing these days. Its edgy, its hip, and it doesn't have any requirements other than looking really cool. The extra added bonus is I can silk-screen them onto t-shirts and give them to the boyfriend :)

• Obviously I can design a cd boxed set as part of the "band" category. I just have to figure out what band or artisit to design for.

So I have 1 for each so far, more or less. I still am deep in brainstorm mode, but the wheels are definitely turning. Will update as developments occur. Sorry for the long post!! Any feedback greatly appreciated!!